Okay now that that's over with, I'll just let out my current feelings.
Sorry I haven't written a journal in a while. Not that anyone really reads it anyway. I'm kinda depressed right now and midterms aren't helping.
It's just... I let myself get hurt again. There was a brief moment of time when I thought that the impossible might be possible, and then it turned out my hopes were founded on nothing.
This happens so often to me, it's not even funny. I let myself hope that just once, someone could look at me and see me as their whole world. That I could be loved romantically. And then the truth shoves itself in my face and I curl up on myself again and I don't let out my emotions for a while. And the worst part is that it will just happen all over again. The only question is when.
Most people consider the ability to love to be a wonderful quality, and sometimes it is wonderful, but sometimes it hurts so bad. I can accept friendship, it's just that she'll never know how I felt about her and I now know that she probably never even considered it. Or if she did, she dismissed it.
Just once, I want to know what it feels like to have someone hold me close in a non-platonic way and to lay my head on a chest and listen to a heartbeat. I want to feel like I'm important to someone in a way that no one else is.
I guess my problem is that I'm in love with the idea of being in love.
Why do I keep falling for people I can't have? They're either not interested, already involved with someone else, or from a completely different world.
Oh well, I guess it's time to raid the pantry for chocolate. I think there might be some chocolate chips in there...